1 Pet 3:1-7
Hope Beyond “I Do”
Intro: Quote: Philip Yancey –“Arranged Marriages” In the U.S. & other
Western-style cultures, people tend to marry because they are attracted to
another’s appealing qualities: a fresh smile, wittiness, a pleasing figure,
athletic ability, a cheerful disposition, charm. Over time, these qualities can
change: the physical attributes especially will deteriorate with age. Meanwhile,
surprises may surface; slatternly housekeeping, a tendency toward depression
disagreements over sex. In contrast, the partners in an arranged marriage (over
½ of all marriages in our international global village fit this description) do
not center their relationship on mutual attractions.
Having heard your parents’ decision you accept that you will live for many
years with someone you now barely know. Thus the overriding question changes
from ‘Whom should I marry?’ To ‘Given this partner, what kind of marriage
can we construct together?’” I Was Just Wondering, ppg 174-75
We are going beyond romance into reality to build a strong & lasting life
together. We have a beautiful setting (called scriptural context) here I 1 Peter
3. The verses challenge us to respond correctly even in unfair circumstances.
Slaves & unjust masters Wives & unfair husbands Christians and
non-Christian society
Big Idea: A good marriage isn’t so much finding the right partner, as it is
being the right partner.
Quote: Wm Barclay... “It may seem strange that Peter’s advice to wives is 6
xs as long as that to husbands. This is because the wife’s position was far
more difficult than that of the husband. If a husband became a Christian, he
would automatically bring his wife with him into the church… But if a wife
became a Christian while her husband did not, she was taking a step which was
unprecedented & which produced the acutest of problems.”
I. The imperatives for the wife (1-6)
A. Evaluate your actions (1-2)
The tendency is to look at this conditionally – “if he will, I will”
What if he has the same attitude? This is not written to wives whose husbands
play fairly.
It is written to all wives. It is really written for wives whose husbands are
going the wrong way!
This means that husbands are not measuring up to God’s standards.
The wives are asked to behave in a godly way.
The tendency is to substitute secret manipulation for a quiet spirit.
This takes many forms... pouting, sulking, scheming, nagging, preaching,
bargaining, even humiliating.
Wives who use these tactics are trusting in themselves, rather than God to
change their husbands.
You are not responsible for his life. You cannot make your husband something he
is not... Only God can!
Quote: Ruth Graham: “It’s my job to love Billy; it is God’s job to change
him.”
There you have it. It is your job to love your husband; it is God’s job to
change him. Stop trying to do God’s job!
Note: submission=a mark of security
It is a voluntary unselfishness. It is a willing and cooperative spirit that
seeks the highest good for her husband.
I can feel the vibes. “If you only knew what I am living with, what a rascal,
what a reprobate, what a rebel. – He’s an ungodly man!
Note: observe=keen & careful look
Quote: Swindoll – “As a disobedient husband observes his wife’s godly
behavior, his heart will eventually soften toward spiritual things. Such a
lifestyle has been called “the silent preaching of a lovely life.”
"Be submissive" (hypostases = hoop = under + tasso = arrange in an
orderly manner - was used as military term meaning to line up under or to place
or rank under. It meant to arrange [as for example troop divisions] in a
military fashion under the command of a leader.
Submission then is not so much to a person per se as to the position of rank
that is established to ensure order rather than chaos. The buck private in the
army may be a "better person" than the five-star general, but he is
still a buck private. Slaves in the average Roman household in
fact were "better people" in many ways when compared to their masters,
yet they still had to be under authority to ensure order in the household. In
non-military use hupotasso described "a voluntary attitude of giving in,
cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden". "Hupotasso"
is not a spineless submission but, as one writer has eloquently described it, a
"voluntary selflessness." It is thesubmission which is based on the
death of pride on one hand and the desire to serve on the other. Ideally
it is the submission not of fear but of perfect love. Christ Himself is the
perfect example of a servant Who submitted without reservation to His Father's
perfect will. Thus there is nothing degrading about submitting to authority and
accepting God’s ordained order that alone ensures the proper functioning of
the marriage bond between a husband and wife. The present tense of the verb
hupotasso calls for a continuous attitude of willingness to be under the order
established by God. For women this does not come naturally because of sin
entering the perfect environment in Genesis 3. As a result of Eve's usurpation
of Adam's headship, part of the consequence of her sin was that her desire http://www.searchgodsword.org/lex/heb/view.cgi?number=08669&l=en
would be for her husband. The closest contextual use of the same Hebrew word is
where God tells Cain that sin's "desire <http://www.searchgodsword.org/lex/heb/view.cgi?number=08669&l=en>"
is to rule over him but that he must master it. Clearly the meaning of desire
here conveys a negative meaning of sin desiring to rule over, dominate and
control Cain. The majority of evangelical, conservative commentaries on
definitely favor the interpretation that Eve would
forever more have latent within her fallen nature, her flesh, the desire to rule
over, dominate and be independent of her husband. If one accepts this
interpretation of as reasonable, it would certainly explain why even the most
devout, godly and "dead to self" wife would still have a tendency to
chaff at God's call for her to submit to her husband.
B. Evaluate your attitude & appearance (3-4)
There is a huge difference between inner & outer beauty.
We can get carried away with the externals.
There are beauty aids, beauty channels all over. We are not to prohibit every
thing, but to promote some things.
Quote: Swindoll–“I’ve seen some women who think that it is a mark of
spirituality to look like an unmade bed”.
There must be balance. Adornment is important, but not nearly as important as
attitude.
If the internal attitude is right, it is amazing how much less significant
one’s external appearance becomes.
It is the wise wife who watches both.
"Adorn" (kosmeo) means to cause something to be beautiful by
decorating it. Here it refers to the correctness of a well-fitted garment, in no
way outlandish or provocative. Christian wives are to dress themselves in good
taste and appropriate to the occasion. Kosmeo is the source of our English word
= COSMETICS. The verb is in the imperfect tense, which speaks of action going on
in past time. These "holy women" were accustomed to adorn themselves
in that manner. It was a habit of life with them to adorn themselves with a meek
and quiet spirit, not with the latest fad of the world.
C. Evaluate your attention
Sarah respected Abraham – Gen 18:12
She was attentive to his needs – She cooperated with his wishes – She
adapted herself to his desires.
Wives, are you patterning yourself after Sarah?
Where do you place most of your attention? Where do you spend most of your time?
What is the focus of your prayer life?
Is your husband on the top of your prayer list?
Check out what gets your attention.
It is easy to put the needs of your husband on hold because of the constant
needs of your children.
Many Christian marriage counselors point to the problem as the beginning of many
marital breakdowns.
Peter’s words; “Sarah obeyed Abraham.” Good paraphrase may be... “she
paid attention to him.”
Kurios was used by Philippian jailer when he said, “Sirs, (kurios) what must I
do to be saved?” Jesus used it in teaching that “No man can keep on serving
two masters”. Kurios was used in secular Greek as a title of honor addressed
by subordinates to their superiors, or as a courteous name in the case of
persons closely related. In a petition to a high Roman authority we have, “I
became very weak, my lord” and in another example “I entreat you, sir, to
hasten to me.” Sarah used it as a wifely courtesy to her husband, as a
recognition of her willing submission to Abraham's authority over her.
II. Imperatives for the Husband (7)
A. Live with your wife
Amplified: In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your
wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the
woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of
the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life,
in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you
cannot pray effectively.]
NLT: In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with
understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is
your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you
should, your prayers will not be heard.
He’s not talking about the same house
He’s not talking about eating at the same table, sharing the same bed, or
paying for the same mortgage.
The word is a compound Greek word.
The first part (sun) = with
The second part (Oikeo) = abide
He’s talking about a close togetherness
It’s referring to be open & honest – “if you are afraid to be open
& honest about a matter, than he or she is building walls and not bridges.
B. Know your wife
Know how she is put together.
She is a unique vessel – carefully crafted & interwoven by the Creator.
Need to seek answers
What are her deepest concerns What are her fears?
What does she need from me Why does she respond as she does?
You have to find this stuff out in the intimacy of marriage
It is a process of cultivating your life together
This involves time, listening, paying attention, praying for insight, seeking
understanding
C. Honor your wife
"Honor" (time) refers to the worth or merit of some object. It is the
amount at which something is valued! Time reflects a manifestation of esteem
(the regard with which one is held), honor, reverence. Related word in 1:19
translated “precious.” a term used to describe the value of a precious
stone. Thus, wives are to be treasured, reassured, protected, and loved, with
every tender provision being made for her. Christian husbands are to deem the
helpmeet which God has given them precious, and so are to treat them with honor.
Christianity introduced chivalry into the relationship between men and women.
“Treat them with respect” (NIV)
“Giving honor unto the wife” (KJV)
Assigning them to top priority in the list of relationships. In your schedules
In your hearts.
Husbands, honestly ask yourself the following questions:
1. Are we partners or competitors?
2. Are we helping each other become more spiritual?
3. Are we depending on the externals or the eternals? The artificial or the
real?
4. Do we understand each other better?
5. Are we sensitive to each other’s feelings and ideas, or taking each other
for granted?
6. Are we seeing God answer our prayers?
7. Are we enriched because of our marriage, or robbing each other of God’s
blessing?
3. Imperatives for Couples
Marriage is a two way street & both sides must be maintained
A. Four good qualities
Write down four qualities you appreciate most about your mate
Tell your spouse what they are and why they came to mind
B. One quality to change
Write down one thing that these verses show you that you would like to change
about yourself
Be vulnerable
There will be appreciation for your willingness to be transparent
Warning…
Don’t get confused & mention 4 things you want your spouse to change and
one thing you like about yourself.
Make the goal of this time to be infusing more hope into your relationship.
A good marriage isn’t so much finding the right partner, as it is being the
right partner. It starts with you.
Prayer: Lord, marriage was Your original idea. You hold the patent on this one.
You brought the first couple
Together and gave Adam & Eve wise instruction on how to make their marriage
flourish. I believe You are still bringing men & women together all around
this big world. But for some, their hopes are dim. They don’t know where to
start or how to rekindle the flame that once burned brightly. For others,
starting over seems to be too great a hurdle… too huge a mountain to climb…
too much to face. Somehow, Lord break down the barriers. Bring back the “want
to”. Restore a glimmer of hope, especially in the lives of that one couple
that think they will never make it. May Your Spirit miraculously renew their
hope at this moment. I ask this in the name of Christ, in whom nothing is
impossible.